Rudeness is repulsive. Rude people poison your life with their intrusiveness, aggressiveness and rudeness. What is the easiest way to protect yourself from them, what to do to end an unpleasant conversation or prevent conflict?
In some rudeness awakens situationally – for example, triggered the cultural triggers. Or a stressful situation suddenly makes a normal nice person aggressive boorish, who is difficult to resist. Others consider this behavior the norm – that’s why they are rude to everyone and always, without reason. Just because they can. Exactly until they are not put in place.
Why are people rude and boorish?
In order to be able to resist rudeness, you need to understand exactly why and when a person becomes rude. It happens when we are defensive. And the more insecure a person is, the more trauma he has suffered in the past, the more he will try to defend himself. Even if he is not yet threatened by anything – boorishness is often a preventive measure.
Have you ever noticed that really strong and confident people rarely even raise their voice? They don’t have to. But small dogs, for example, are capable of barking at flies flying by. The same thing happens to people.
If a kid gets bullied at school and his parents are mean to him, he will try to compensate for his real or imagined disability with rudeness when he grows up. With rudeness. Unmotivated aggression. It is clear that such a psychological advantage will be imaginary and very shaky – there will always be someone who will be able to stop such behavior. How do you stop a conflict with such a person?
- Control yourself and be polite.
If you start yelling and waving your hands rudely in response, it will give the boor the opportunity to defeat you in his usual environment. Why do that? Surely he is much better than you feel in it. Take him into your field. Help this person feel better (although it sounds paradoxical).
If you behave with dignity, softly, but firmly, the boor manages to relax and calm down. There is no need to defend yourself, you let him know that you are not threatening him in any way. This will enable a dialogue. Always remember that the rude man from fear and loneliness, try to feel some sympathy for him. This will give you an advantage in the conversation.
- Stop the ignoring of your address – it is also a kind of rudeness
The store assistant may not pay attention to you, or friends you met in a cafe, assiduously staring at their smartphones. It makes sense to calmly and humorously draw their attention to the fact that dialogue involves eye contact and direct conversation. If nothing changes, just leave the situation. Say you’re sorry, and leave.
Teach your child not to interrupt.
Children are also very good at rudeness – for example, with a squeal and squeak they come in the middle of a conversation between adults. And they demand attention. You should not let them do this. Agree that the baby will take your hand, if you are busy talking – you shake it back, letting the child know that you saw him. And respond to him as best you can. Keep it calm and short.
If children know that they continue to be loved, that nothing and no one is threatening their bond with you – they will quickly find their own thing to do. Talk to your child in a calm one-on-one situation, explain to them that by distracting you, they are just increasing the time you will spend with another adult, not with them.
- Talk about your discomfort.
Sometimes there are situations of different understandings of personal boundaries. We feel like the person has already crossed all the red lines and any other lines – and to them there is nothing wrong, everything is fine. And what’s wrong with your face? You don’t have to wait for the person to guess what you’re going through – the easiest thing is to tell him in word