JULIA SMOLNAYA
Psychologist, hypnotherapist, dance therapist.
A person’s mood fluctuates constantly. You may be enjoying a sunny day one minute and lamenting the end of summer the next. Every time the child falls off the bike, a chill runs down your spine, followed by a feeling of relief and a “Phew, it’s all right!” You are the happiest person in the world when your young child giggles joyously and rushes to give you a hug. The list might never end. But you must ask yourself one question:
Can happiness last indefinitely?
The answer is “No!” because emotion is a wave rather than a straight line. You are in a euphoric condition at the crest of the wave; your heart is racing, your cheeks are flushed, and your breathing is quick. You use a tremendous amount of energy during these times, which causes it to become completely spent and change into a tranquil condition.
The lowest section of the wave is considered a negative emotion, which is likewise not forever. No one wants to languish in melancholy and depressive emotions, thus everyone develops their own way to “emerge” from such states:
- You pretend that “everything is alright” while suppressing your physical emotions.
- You accept the emotion, experience it, and it goes away on its own.
Sadness is one of the emotions that gets blocked the most frequently. Even hostility yields to it. Because anger is frequently interpreted as a sign of power, self-assurance, and resolve. However, sadness is a sign of fragility and powerlessness and should not be tolerated.
- “Stop whining! Stop being such a weakling.”
- “Men should not cry! Why do you behave like a girl?
- “Smile! You are a girl!”
- “Stop your crying already! Take a look at yourself! No boy would like you if you had a red nose and puffy eyes like that.”
Little girls’ and boys’ minds are constantly being regurgitated with the same phrases by their moms’ and grandmothers’ voices. Little boys and girls hear their moms’ and grandmothers’ voices year after year, repeating their chants in their minds. Only these particular kids have matured into adults without ever learning how to be sad. It’s important to let them know that it’s natural to feel down and that it’s even okay sometimes. They imprison their unhappiness within themselves by preventing it from leaving. But eventually, the emotion will find a way to manifest itself, and it’s unlikely that it will be pleasant for them.
As an example
A girl makes the decision to lose weight. She abstains from sweets in order to accomplish her aim. The first prohibition she consciously removes from her life is eating her favorite almond croissants. The weight decreases over time, but the desire for croissants does not. They keep calling her name from the window of her favorite bakery. She sighs and casts a wistful gaze out the window each day. How badly she wants to eat her favorite croissant! To bite into the flaky pastry and experience its delicious flavor… But she is unable to because it is prohibited.
Next, what? – A collapse occurs next. A substantial overstrain happens if the need is not satiated for an extended period of time. Do you believe that one croissant will satisfy it? – Obviously not. The girl’s desire for forbidden foods causes her to become entirely unrestrained.
Likewise with feelings. If an emotion is suppressed, it will eventually burst through the blockage, forcing you to dial 112. Uncontrollable outbursts of rage, hysterics, and even disease are all options for unleashing trapped emotions. Because of this, you shouldn’t avoid sadness. Allow yourself to feel sad.
Sadness can be quite beneficial. The ability to settle down, slow down, disengage from the outside world, and turn inward to yourself, your thoughts, feelings, and sensations is a highly valuable emotion. This is the mindset in which self-awareness and introspection occur:
- Why am I in pain?
What positive aspects of my life have vanished?
What positive things have I never experienced in my life?
What prevents me from being joyful right now?
You don’t have to conceal and ignore your sadness once you identify its cause. You simply need to accept it and give it some time. Not to obstruct it, but to track it. “Yes, I am sad… yes, I feel sadness… it IS and is part of me… My sadness is part of me.” Allow yourself to act like a small child who really wants a hug: wail, scream, and cry into your pillow. And at that very moment, you may start treating yourself like a caring grownup who will give you hugs, kisses, and simply be there for you.
It won’t be as painful if you allow yourself permission to be sad and cry; if you approach it with kindness and understanding. And the sun will shine after it stops raining. And you can carry on with the adventure we call life.
When should you be careful and seek outside assistance?
When depression permeates every aspect of your day and you lack the motivation or energy to live a regular life (socializing, getting out of bed, washing your face, going out, performing daily tasks). It is important to see a doctor if your life seems pointless and you frequently experience suicide thoughts.
If you notice an emotion- react to it, name it and experience it. There are no “good” or “bad” emotions. There are OUR emotions.
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